Dear Single Ladies… – By @Wolebaba

Dear Single Ladies…

What exactly are you bringing to the table?

A big booty?

Perfectly sculpted brows?

A full head of Brazilian hair?

A penchant for the latest songs and dance steps?

A bunch of Empty-Brained- Party-Freaked- Twitter-Tweeting friends’ advice?

What exactly is he going to find when he tries to pick your brain (I hope you know what that


Will it be the episodes of Zee World, Telemundo, Tinsel and Africa Magic all recorded in perfect

sequence? Empire nko? Every soundtrack, every character dissected to a tee?

Do you know anything about the New World Order? Neo-colonialism? International Politics,

Behavioural Characteristics of Animals, The healthy and Nutritious meals to eat, your own

home Politics/Social issues nko? Have u heard of the Northern Agenda? Do u know what's

happening in Ghana, The Gambia and Gabon? Do u know what continent Seychelles is in? Do

you even know something about anything remotely connected to intelligent discourse?

When last did you read a book? No not Hints. Not Genevieve. Not Arise magazine. A book. You

know that sort that has printed pages in between covers and no pictures just words? Oh they

give you a headache? I'm so sorry. Okay you like TV? When was the last time you saw a

Documentary? Any Documentary at all??

No? None?? Can't Remember???

A Sweet Nice Ass will bring a man your way (I confess I'm a sucker) But what will keep him?

Do you have a source of income? A skill? Talent? Business Acumen, Financial intelligence or you

like to 'Open Shop' in your Boo's Bank Account?

Do you know how to cook? Yes cook. Cook for yourself at least not because you want to keep a

man but because you ought to take better care of what you feed your body? Do you know the

way to the kitchen or are you a KFC babe?

Tell me what exactly you bring to the table or as Olamide and cronies like to ask you;

"Who You Epp"?

There are times a Man would need a Real Woman to share his Worries, his Fears, his Dreams,

his Deepest Desires and Aspirations with. Sexy Bum Bum, Standing Over-confident Boobs &

your Makeup on Fleek cannot do nothing here my dear. He will not be Horny forever!

He is not a He goat!

When he needs your Managerial Abilities, how will you epp SLAY MAMA?

My Mum Literally supervised & managed the construction of our house from ground level,

through its Carcass stage and to the beautiful house my Folks live in currently (and she was and

still is a Teacher). All Pops did was drop the cheese.

I love those generation of women. They are shamefully and regretfully under-appreciated by

the society!

But I see u Mama! Your Range Rover isn't so far anymore by the way.

So My Sweet Beautiful African Babes, let me tell you 5 characteristics you should have if you

want to be the Real Deal and not the fake ass women pervading the internet today;

1. Be a SheriKoko that looks good (No jokes, Looking good is good business)

2. Be a Babe that builds herself, Learns and practice things that can add value to her life and

that of people close to her.

3. Be a Chic your man can have deep, meaningful and intelligent conversations with. (You gotta

search for knowledge baby)

4. Be an Erima that stokes in her man the Drive to achieve great things (I know u like Michelle

Obama, I like her too)

5. Be a Lady that is driven to achieve great things herself (Iron Sharpens Iron– Naso bible talk


6. Be an Omalicha that always goes beyond expectation (Like I just did   )

Dear Single Ladies, If your man doesn't call you “Sweet Sugar Boom Boom" or whatever your

favourite Pet name is, and/or doesn't show you appreciation after doing all these things I


Change the Man!


I am not oblivious of the pseudo-societal outlook that patriarchy is on the decline and

hopefully, should be eradicated (or almost) in our generation. This is not about entitlements

because at the end of the day, everybody in a relationship regardless of their genitalia has

entitlements; that’s why you explain to your spouse the reasons for your action even though it

was a personal decision of yours to do what you did.

This piece was written with a view to build successful strong sound African women; successful

also in their dealings with their spouse(s). It is wished that this forward-thinking- positive

behavioural attitude will contribute its own quota in the drive of the African Continent to

achieve greater heights and instill in our children better values (Because their Mothers know


By the way, this is a work on an existing work.

Follow @wolebaba (Twitter & Instagram)

Dear Single Men….

Coming Soon!



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